The Gum Incident

It finally happened today. After all my years of playing basketball in high school, pick-up games and rec games, I finally did something on the basketball court that people will talk about for a few weeks. Let me set it up for you. I was playing in our rec league tonight, it was the second half and we were down by twenty-three points. (For those of you who think I’m going to tell a story about how I single-handedly brought us back to win the game; you might want to quit reading now.) I got a rebound and was bringing it down the floor looking for someone to pass off to. Everyone took off to the other end of the court. “Why,” I asked myself, “did everyone take off when they know I can't dribble worth a crap?” So I figured I’d remind them of my less than stellar skills on the hardwood, “Hey,” I shouted, “someone needs to come back and get this, because I can’t dribble worth a cr—“!!! That’s when it happened. My gum went flying out of my mouth and landed about three foot in front of me in front of our bench. I dribbled over to it. I sat there looking at it, all the while still dribbling. I would have liked to call a time out so I could pick up my gum, but we had already used our last time out. I was going to kick it off to the side, but I was afraid it would stick to my shoe and I figured that would really complicate my dribbling. I only had one choice. Still dribbling, I bent over, picked it up, and put it back in my mouth. After the game, my thirteen-year-old daughter said, “Why didn’t you just throw it off to the side?” So, there it is, my little claim to fame. Everyone, and I mean everyone was watching me as I left the building.

Hedgehog, if you read this, get to feeling better, and get back to work, moron.